Before we talk about what to do during this reset, let’s talk about why connection matters in the first place. Why go through the effort? Why risk the pushback? Because the research, and more importantly Scripture, tells us that presence is one of the most powerful gifts we can give our children.
Why Family Time Requires Margin
Every day is a gift you get to unwrap. Reducing the speed of our lives gives us time to open and enjoy each one. Moving through your days without slowing down forces you to lose out on the extraordinary blessings around you each day, including your kids’ desire to be seen or heard by you. As parents, we should regularly consider our priorities and intentionally reduce our pace, or we may not even notice what we’re missing. You and I are quick to forget, and when we do, everyone loses.
Though parenting is an amazing gift, it is also a demanding job. Its challenges are magnified when we forget to down-shift and breathe. The parent-child relationship is incredibly transformational and long-lasting. If your foot is always on the proverbial gas, you may fly by important moments, missing them altogether. The following ideas are designed to help you enjoy and savor the significance of your ever-changing relationships and the memories you and your kids can make together along the way.
The Benefits of Slowing Down for Family Time
For a mom or dad, the gift of slowing down allows for some fantastic things to happen, things far better than any toy you could buy your kids.
Margin to Play and Build Bonds
Play creates joyful moments and offers quality time that strengthens your relationships. Research affirms that your playfulness and warmth provide your children with a safe and secure environment. In other words, your loving playfulness is great for your child’s day! It leads to deeper connection between you and can help decrease negativity and behavioral issues. Playing together is a gift for your relationship with your child on many levels.
Researchers have also discovered that the quality of play matters. Everyone is different, so take the time to figure out what high-quality play means for each of your children.
Play is serious business for family health and identity. Both individually and as a family, play builds identity, helps kids learn to construct relationships, which they’ll replicate outside the family, and cements social skills like sharing, collaborating, and good sportsmanship.
The simple act of playing encourages physical activity, imagination, and creative problem-solving and fosters communication skills. It lowers stress and anxiety, too! Protecting time to play is a meaningful way to relax with your kids, restore your souls with fun, and make this chapter of family life enjoyable for everyone.
Room for Meaningful Conversation and Deeper Connections
Rushed and distracted conversations can make people—especially your kids—feel unimportant. Meaningful and satisfying conversations, on the other hand, bless your relationships. They create opportunities for understanding, influence, growth, and closeness.
Truly connecting in conversation requires the discipline and challenge of carefully listening. As a parent, there’s no question that listening is an act of love. In fact, when people sense that they are heard and understood, they experience higher levels of “feel good” connection hormones.
Researchers have found that when people dive into conversation, their brains begin to synchronize with one another. Slowing down makes room for this gift in your family conversations.
Time for Learning and Teaching: The Patience Payoff
Learning takes time, and teaching requires patience. Slowing down is beneficial in both, though. Being in a hurry and busy all the time increases overlooking blind spots, making mistakes, oversights, and impatience. Too many families struggle to thrive in their relationships because of the relentless pace they try to maintain. The constant hustle grows their impatience with one another and eliminates opportunities to learn from their mistakes.
Foster a culture of growth and retention in your home by reducing the pressure of hurry whenever possible. It will allow you space to adjust your emotions and responses, provide opportunities to think more clearly, and enable you to guide your children with wisdom. This provides a powerful model of self-control. Affording time to unhurriedly teach your kids how to tie their shoes, wash dishes, manage their money, treat others kindly, vacuum, cook, or cuddle for some closeness is never wasted. Your kids need you to slow down so that they can follow in your footsteps, develop healthy relational attachments in their own lives, and learn to trust your guidance as they grow.
The Spiritual Impact of Margin
The humble image of Jesus begs us to slow down, simplify, and encounter Him in new ways. His life on earth began as a baby and continues as our Savior, embodying a relaxed pace. Through this aspect of his humanity, Jesus shows us that we can grow into this way of being anytime, no matter what circumstances or pressures we face!
Jesus demonstrated that practicing an unhurried life has a spiritual impact, on us and those around us, in the following ways:
Ease. Jesus had an ease about him. In three short ministry years, he accomplished everything He came to do. Scripture never describes Him as hurried, but he was purposeful with His time. Even when He received word that His dear friend Lazarus had become gravely sick, Jesus waited before going to see him. “Then Jesus told them plainly, ‘Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.'” (John 11:14-15) The same happened for Jairus, the ruler of the synagogue. Even with Jairus’ urgent plea for his daughter’s healing still hanging in the air, Jesus stopped to connect with a woman who, believing in His power to make her well, was healed by touching His garment. He went on to heal Jairus’ daughter at the same unhurried, peaceful pace. As the Lord of Life, time never pressed Jesus. Most importantly, the Prince of Peace was present to any who needed Him.
Priority of life and relationship with God. Jesus retreated from the crowds for time with His Father at what often seemed like odd timing. He had to slow down to connect with Him, get direction, and learn from Him.
2 Timothy 2:15 says, “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth.” We, too, should honor God as the top priority in scheduling decisions, recognizing that setting aside time for spiritual growth is necessary. Research proves that time for deep community and Bible reading are essential, not optional, for those who follow Jesus, no matter their age.
Presence. Several places in Scripture show Jesus withdrawing to pray and be with the Father. Prioritizing this time to slow down and be present with God made it possible for Jesus to be a peaceful presence with others. The secular mindfulness movement emphasizes the importance of being present in your surroundings, to other people, in your body, and in your emotions. As followers of Jesus, we know that this awareness is actually a model of the life of Christ. We can promote this awareness and appreciation and invite others to join us. By modeling this in our lives, we create an atmosphere of Christ-like authenticity that benefits those around us and ourselves. Once again, the focus is on quality.
Capacity to walk with others on their spiritual journey. In a distracted world, people who bring peace and presence stand out. Jesus was on the lookout for those in need of His healing presence. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “we are all born looking for someone looking for us.” Margin enhances your capacity to be present to those who need you to see, hear, and empathize with them. If you want your kids to adopt this new way of life, it is vital to model this restful presence for them. Slowing down releases pressure on everyone and makes room to meet needs.
Flexibility. The Lord placed people above plans. Like Jesus, you can foster peace by building “cushion” into your family calendar. Intentionally leaving space on your schedule allows for spontaneous hospitality, unforced conversations, and unplanned blessings that result from simply being together and helping one another feel seen and secure.
Overcoming Family Obstacles to Slowing Down
When it comes to slowing down, most families face challenges. Extracurricular activities like sports, church, tutoring, music lessons, and time with friends create tension. Sometimes, managing the balance is nuanced and challenging. Other times, it is as easy as learning to say, “No, thank you. We have other commitments.” As you work to manage the obstacles facing you and your family, think about these issues:
Motivation
Too many have bought the lie that busyness is a sign of success. But what is “success,” anyway? Your definition of it is essential. If you spend most of your time in the car shuttling your kids to and from practices, events, lessons, and even church (frequenting drive-throughs for dinner on the way), it may be time to consider your motivation. Reflect on these few questions:
- Is this schedule and pace driven by you or your child?
- Would God favor the pace of your family life?
- What beliefs, priorities, and fruit of the Spirit do you and your family want to work on?
- Does your schedule build or detract from these goals?
If you are serious about slowing down to create margin for family time, start by modeling the values you’ve identified and revisit them often in family conversations.
Ephesians 5:15-16 offers good instruction: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” As you aim to develop strong hearts, souls, and minds in your family, discern what activities and commitments will best serve you, knowing that this answer may change from season to season. Regardless of what activities you’re involved with, prioritize the spiritual fruit you’re trying to grow as a family. This will help your family members learn how to balance necessary responsibilities and interests with intentional slow-down time.
The Drain of Technology on Family Time
“Buy back” some time in your schedule by turning off TVs, laptops, and smartphones at specific times. Technology drains time and interpersonal connection, so limit their interruption with basic ideas to curb their use.
For example, try placing a basket in your “drop zone.” When family members walk in the door, have them leave tablets and cellphones there. This will take some monitoring at first, but will get easier. Allow access to their tech to take calls, do homework, or enjoy a predetermined period of play, but when they’ve hit their limit, be sure the device goes back in the basket. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry recommends parents set the following age-specific media guidelines:
- Children under 2: no media except video chat (TV, video, DVD, computers)
- Two – Five years old: 1-3 hours per day
- Six and older: encourage healthy activities and limit screen use appropriately
- All ages: Turn off all screens during family meals and outings. Remove screens and turn them off 30-60 minutes before bedtime.
Think about the space for connection you’ll open up with limits like this. The tech-free time is just a bonus.
Practical Tips for Getting Started
Once you’ve decided to “pump the brakes” in your family, you’ll need a plan. Without one, quality family time isn’t easy to come by. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, just thoughtful. Think about the interests of each person in your family and look for overlap. Then, share your vision in a way that gets everyone on board.
Replacement Activities to Try
- Set aside downtime to be together, and guard it firmly.
- Limit extracurricular activities.
- Spend time outdoors.
- Let your kids include a friend in family activities on occasion.
- Prioritize and protect family mealtimes and pepper them with meaningful conversation. You could have everyone at the table name something they’re grateful for or share a special memory from the day. As a parent, you can demonstrate presence and awareness by intentionally asking questions like: How did that make you feel? Why did that stand out to you?
- Be attentive to the soul health in your home. Usher in peace by giving each person in your family freedom to express their needs and care for their mind, will, and emotions, even during busy seasons. God designed us for “shalom,” a perfect balance of joy and peace. We need to run at the speed of our souls, not force our souls to run at the pace of our schedules. As it’s been said, “Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap.” Help your family learn to recognize what their souls are telling them, and create space for them to act on it.
2026 is the year of slowing down. Free your calendar and open your heart. Remember to enjoy 24 hours, one at a time. Each is a gift that we can appreciate in equal measure.
